Jagged cm-5 Page 13

  “You said that the ground rules were, if I hooked up, I did it at his place and you’d return the favor.”

  “Baby, I lied,” Ham stated with firm emphasis that was made firmer by his arms going tight around me.

  “Well, I didn’t know that,” I snapped.

  “Is that why you were brooding on your balcony?” he asked.

  “Yeah, Ham. I thought the love of my life, who I was living with and working with but I couldn’t have, had spent the night with another woman, so that was why I was brooding on my balcony,” I clipped.

  Only when I was done speaking did I feel the air, the stillness of his body, and the fact that his arms were now very tight around me.

  “Ham?”

  “Fuck, now I gotta fuck you again,” he muttered, rolling us so I was on my back.

  “What? Why? What’s going on?” I asked, rounding him with my arms.

  His lips came to mine, where he whispered, “Love of your life.”

  I stilled.

  Then I drew in a soft breath.

  After that, I admitted, “It’s always been you.”

  “Fuck, now I gotta fuck you again,” he murmured, but his murmur was jagged.

  I smiled against his mouth and slid my hands up his back.

  Ham slanted his head, took my mouth with his, and proceeded to fuck me again.

  Chapter Nine

  Our Beginning

  “Ham,” I breathed.

  “What ’cha need to take you there?” Ham growled.

  “Oh God,” I whimpered.

  “Baby, hurry, I’m close,” Ham grunted.

  We were in the living room. My panties were dangling from my ankle. My back was to the wall. The bottom of my wraparound dress was gaping open because my legs were wrapped around Ham’s hips, my arms around his shoulders, and he was powering deep.

  Suffice it to say, when I wandered out of his bedroom in a clingy dress that showed cleavage, spiked, high-heeled sandals, hair out to there with soft curls and sweet flips, and sultry makeup, Ham liked what he saw.

  Thus me against the wall getting it from my guy.

  “Keep going,” I begged.

  “Fuck, should have dropped to my knees and ate you before I fucked you,” he groaned.

  That did it. My head flew back and hit wall, my hands slid up and clenched in his hair, my legs squeezed him hard, my sex squeezed him harder, and I cried out as I came hard.

  “Thank fuck,” he muttered, shoved his face in my neck, thrust his cock inside again, again, again, jolting me, prolonging my fantastic orgasm, making me moan then he finally buried himself deep and groaned into my neck.

  I pressed my face into his, held on tight, and started sliding my lips on his skin and nuzzling his jaw and ear with my nose when his cock started gliding in and out of me.

  He kept gliding as he whispered against the skin of my neck, “Just in case you hadn’t noticed, glad to have you back, cookie.”

  I smiled against his skin when I replied, “Glad to be back, bruiser.”

  I felt his smile as he clarified on an inward glide, “All the way back, babe.”

  “All the way back, darlin’.”

  He slid in and stayed there but lifted his face out of my neck so I tipped mine to catch his eyes and saw his brows raised.

  “Bruiser?”

  “You run on nothing but coffee,” I explained.

  His raised brows lowered but drew together in confusion as he asked, “What?”

  “Only a bruiser who could kick the ass of a cage fighter named Butch Razor can run five miles on nothin’ but a cup of coffee,” I expanded my explanation.

  Ham stared at me.

  Then he threw back his handsome, dark head with messy hair I’d delightfully made messy and he burst out laughing.

  I saw it, heard it, and felt it, the last in very, very good places.

  And I loved every bit of it.

  We both had the day off, as Ham always arranged, and we spent nearly all of it in bed, taking a long, happy trip down memory lane.

  Seeing as we woke up after noon, we had to make up for lost time before dinner at The Rooster. Ham made us some eggs and toast. We had the annoying errand of taking a trip to Carnal Hotel to get my stuff (my fault). Ham helped me drag my stuff from my room into his and then we showered together before Ham left me to get ready.

  The trip to The Rooster was long, an hour, but we didn’t talk about anything important on the way there. I was too busy being happy that first, Ham held my hand while he drove; second, he always looked hot but in dark denims and a black untucked, straight-hemmed tailored shirt that he left open at the collar, he looked hot; and last, I was going to The Rooster at all.

  I’d been there seven times, all of them with other guys, four of those times with Greg pre- and during marriage. It had fabulous décor, with Cotton prints hanging on the walls, so many windows you could see through it, it was high up on a mountainside, you didn’t go there unless you dressed up, and its menu was pricey. Mostly steaks. Everything good.

  It was the perfect place for the celebration of Ham and me being back, all the way back, so far back that we were at a place we’d never been, and for us to lay it bare so we could understand each other and move on with no surprises.

  I was riding a happy wave the likes I’d never felt in my life.

  Ham had bought a TV.

  Ham had talked about settling.

  Ham had talked about having a family.

  Ham had come back to Gnaw Bone for me.

  Thus I wandered into The Rooster in the curve of Ham’s arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist, my head tipped to the side and resting on his shoulder, my face, I was sure, wearing a goofy but gleeful smile, thinking that nothing could pierce this happiness.

  At the same time I marveled that, not a year ago, I had been at what I thought was my lowest, only to sink lower.

  And now I was here.

  Ham muttered, “Graham Reece,” to the hostess. She murmured, “Right this way,” back, I came out of my bubble of happiness, focused on the room, and my bubble burst.

  I also tripped over my feet.

  This was because, in the far back corner, sat Greg, his eyes on Ham, his face pale, his company clearly business associates.

  And in the front corner was Kami Maxwell, Max’s sister, a woman I’d known years who had always been slightly bitchy and constantly in a foul mood but had mellowed a bit when her brother’s girlfriend had faced imminent death and bested it. Still, she was unpredictable, and right then, her eyes were sharp on me in a way I didn’t like. In a way I worried Cotton or Arlene had got her ear. And if Kami Maxwell had something to say, whether you wanted to hear it or not, she said it.

  And last, at the back wall sat my aunt, my father’s sister, a woman I hadn’t spoken to in nine years, a woman I detested, a woman I never wanted to see again in my life. Which was an impossible feat since we both lived in the same town. She was also sending a venomous stare my way.

  “Cookie, you good?” Ham asked, his arm giving me a squeeze and I tipped my head to look at him.

  “This is a disaster,” I whispered.

  His brows shot together and the hostess announced, “Here we are.”

  I looked at her, motioning to a booth and declared, “We have to go.”

  She blinked.

  “What the fuck’re you talkin’ about?” Ham asked under his breath.

  “Greg’s here,” I told him.

  His head jerked, his eyes scanned, they narrowed when he caught sight of Greg, and he muttered, “Fuck.”

  “And Kami Maxwell,” I went on.

  He looked down at me and asked, “Who?”

  I didn’t answer. I continued.

  “And my aunt. Dad’s sister.”

  His arm tightened reflexively, curling me into his front, and his head shot up, his eyes scanning again. He’d seen her but never met her and I knew when he caught sight of her because his jaw got hard.

  “Mr. Ree
ce?” the hostess called.

  A muscle jumped in his cheek and he looked back down at me.

  “Fuck ’em, this is our night.”

  “Ham—”

  His arm tightened further. “Fuck ’em, cookie, this is our night. I want this, a nice place, good food, you lookin’ fuckin’ amazing sittin’ across from me, me sharin’ important shit you gotta understand. They don’t exist. The room is meltin’ away. It’s just you and me, good food, and me givin’ you all of me. This is our night. You with me?”

  Ham giving me all of him.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “There she is,” he whispered back. “Easy.”

  He dipped his head to touch his mouth to mine and I tried not to think of Greg, seeing that only seven months after our divorce was final and my aunt seeing it, since my father hated Ham nearly as much as Ham hated my father. Dad had thought Ham was too rough, too old, too coarse and he shared that with me, Ham, and, undoubtedly, my aunt.

  Ham curled me away from his body, nodded to the hostess, guided me to one side of our booth, and, when I’d settled, slid into the other one.

  The hostess waited until I’d stowed my purse and shrugged off my coat before she handed us menus and swept away.

  A waitress wearing a white shirt, black trousers, long slim black tie, and a long white apron hit our table approximately half a second after our hostess left.

  “Two Coors, draft,” Ham ordered before she opened her mouth to speak.

  “Certainly, would you like to hear the specials?” she asked.

  “Later,” he answered. “Beer first.”

  She nodded and floated away.

  I only half heard this. Mostly, I was trying to make the room melt away and praying our waitress didn’t dillydally with the beers.

  “Babe,” Ham called.

  “Mm-hmm,” I mumbled in answer, my focus on smoothing my napkin in my lap.

  “Cookie, baby, come back to me,” he urged gently.

  My eyes went to him.

  “This is our beginning. Don’t let them fuck it up.”

  This was our beginning.

  I reached a hand across the table to him.

  Ham caught it.

  “Okay,” I replied.

  He gave my hand a squeeze and let me go.

  “Decide what you want. We’ll get into the deep shit when we won’t have interruptions.”

  I nodded, picked up my menu, and read.

  The beers came. We both ordered steaks. And loaded baked potatoes, sautéed mushrooms, and appetizers.

  Ham ended this session by tipping his head to his beer and stating, “These get low, don’t ask. Bring more.”

  “Of course,” she muttered and took off.

  I stared at him with some unease.

  “Am I going to need to be drunk?” I asked.

  “No. How Rachel fucked me was a long time ago and it was me she fucked,” he answered.

  “I, uh… Rachel?” I prompted when he didn’t continue.

  “The bitch who aborted my babies.”

  My mouth went dry, my hand resting on the table twitched, and I stared.

  Did he say babies? Plural?

  “What?” I breathed.

  “Woman’s right to choose, I’m down with that. It wasn’t that, seein’ as we were married, planning a family, worked toward it, she got pregnant, I was fuckin’ beside myself, and she hauled off and ended it without one word to me.”

  My throat was moving convulsively. It took effort to get it under control and when I did, I asked, “You were married?”

  “Yeah. Got hitched when we were both twenty-one. Young, but I loved her, thought she loved me. It was all good.”

  “I, uh… thought you said you’d never had a roommate except, well… me,” I reminded him and his head tipped to the side.

  “A wife’s not a roommate, babe. She’s a partner.”

  This was true.

  It was time for the tough stuff.

  “Why did she… she… end the pregnancy?” I queried.

  “Said she didn’t know what she wanted,” Ham answered immediately. “Said I pressured her into it. Said a baby was a big deal and she should be sure.”

  This was all true, except the part where he said they’d planned and worked toward it.

  “I—” I began.

  “Thing is,” Ham spoke over me, “she shoulda said that before she got knocked up. And she sure as fuck shouldn’t have aborted my kid without fuckin’ talking to me.”

  Yes, she sure as fuck shouldn’t have done that.

  “I don’t believe this,” I whispered.

  “It was twenty years ago and, still, I don’t believe it either.”

  I held his eyes. I knew mine were soft and I told him, “Ham, darlin’, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Nothin’ to say,” he replied. “That started years of serious sick shit, which I participated in, bein’ stupid, young, in love, addicted to her pussy, and, again, fuckin’ stupid,” he went on. “I left. She coaxed me back, promises of together forever and family. We’d get down to talkin’ about tryin’ again. She’d be all for it and then I’d find her birth control pills.”

  This just got worse.

  Ham wasn’t done.

  “I’d confront her. She’d twist shit, convince me that I was layin’ it heavy on her. I’d back off, same shit would happen. I’d leave, she’d coax me back. Fuckin’ stupid. Whacked. Now, for a long time, it’s over.”

  “Man, oh man, I… Ham, I… I’m at a loss,” I stammered.

  “Yeah. Took a while for me to get old enough and smart enough to see things as they were. She was a selfish, spoiled bitch who wanted what she wanted how and when she wanted it and would do anything to get it. But the problem was, she wasn’t all-fired sure of what that was and she dragged me through that shit. Or it could be I didn’t get old enough and smart enough, just angry enough after she aborted my second baby.”

  There it was. Babies. Plural.

  I closed my eyes.

  “Lost my fuckin’ mind, left her, divorced her ass, found I had a type,” Ham continued and I opened my eyes. “I didn’t give up. I tried. Got tangled in other relationships. Got jacked around, not as bad, but not good, by the woman after her and the woman after her. The first one took money out of my wallet without askin’, like I wouldn’t miss it, and went shoppin’ all the time, hidin’ the shit she bought from me, like I wouldn’t notice it when she eventually wore it. This was also somehow my fault because I didn’t take her anywhere nice, but more, I didn’t make enough money to do it and often.”

  Yes. This just got worse.

  “Ham—” I started, only for him to talk over me again.

  “Bitch three pulled much the same shit as my ex-wife, promises of together and babies, but she worked out half the time. I had to pry her away from her goddamned mirror, she admired the results so much, and by the time we got down to it, again, I found her birth control pills so I knew she was jacking me. This, too, was my fault because I didn’t understand her issues with her body and how a baby would interfere with all her hard work, her body would never be the same, and she was uncertain she was prepared for that at her age. I knew she’d carried extra weight ’cause I was with her before she took it all off. And I knew she worked hard to get it off. I could understand that. Again, that’s the way she is. I get it. What I don’t get is her tellin’ me one thing and doin’ another. You don’t want a baby, say it.”

  “They’d lose you if they did,” I explained carefully.

  “So jackin’ me around is okay?” he asked disbelievingly.

  “No,” I answered hurriedly. “I’m not excusing them. I’m just trying to explain so you understand. Losing you—especially you—is a hard thing to do, Ham. You’re a good guy.”

  “Right.” He gave a curt nod. “I think I got that, babe. So exit good-guy Reece. From then on it was no promises, no expectations. Just good times and no bullshit. She starts feeding me bullshit, she does
n’t get another call.”

  I pressed my lips together and Ham’s eyes dropped to them before coming back to mine.

  “You always got a call,” he reminded me.

  “I know.”

  “So what’s with the look?” he asked.

  “I’m just wondering how many women are out there, waiting for calls,” I answered hesitantly.

  “None, seein’ as, when I made my decision it was you and Gnaw Bone, the only other one I had got a call explaining shit and how she wouldn’t be gettin’ future calls. She was in Taos. She was new, a good-time girl, and, babe, it might make me sound like a dick but she wasn’t gonna make the cut anyway. Outside of her, there was only Feb and she’d already moved on.”

  All the air squeezed out of my lungs.

  The good news was, there was only one.

  The bad news was, he’d again mentioned February Owens and her “already moving on,” which made me wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t.

  Would he be in Indiana with February?

  “How fantastic is this? And you don’t have food! Perfect timing for us to join you!”

  Ham’s eyes shot up, my head twisted around, but I already knew that English-accented voice.

  Nina and Max were standing there.

  Damn.

  “Max, darling, isn’t this great?” Nina asked when no one said a word.

  Max didn’t look like he thought it was great. His eyes were aimed Greg’s way. Then they swung his sister’s way. Then he looked down at his wife and lifted his brows.

  She completely ignored him and shoved into the booth next to Ham.

  “You’re Graham Reece,” she stated, pushing her hand his way.

  Ham looked at her hand then at her face before he took her hand, muttering, “Reece.”

  “Delighted,” she replied as he let her go and her eyes went to her husband. “Max, honey, sit down.” Before Max could do as ordered, or not, she snapped her fingers at a passing waitress and said, “We’re sitting here. Please, when you have a second, we need menus.”

  I scooted over when Max slid in beside me and I tipped my head back when his arm curled around my shoulders for a squeeze as his head came down and he kissed my cheek.

  “Hey, Zara,” he greeted.

  “Hey, Max,” I replied.