At Peace Read online

  He was talking about Kenzie Elise.

  I had absolutely no interest in this and started to tell him this fact. “Joe –”

  He cut me off. “Anywhere she goes, people ask for her autograph, take photos of her, grovel and do shit you wouldn’t believe just to get her attention. Because of all that, she’s so far up her own ass it’s a wonder she can see. Problem is, she’s got a lot of company up there.”

  “I don’t care about this,” I told him.

  He continued talking like I didn’t even speak. “I don’t shit where I live normally. She played me, I had no fuckin’ idea she was what she was until I got played then I wanted no part in that.”

  “I think I got that,” I reminded him of the fact I was there while he made that point to her.

  “It happened once, once was enough. The sex was shit, buddy.”

  “I got that too.” And that was an understatement, I definitely got that.

  “She gets no for an answer never. It doesn’t happen to her. She gets what she wants when she wants it, always. She wanted me. She’d been playin’ games like that to get my attention for six months. It was affecting my work, which I was not thrilled about, but I could deal. That night, she invaded my home. Stole my keys, had one made, found out where I lived and came in uninvited, playin’ her games. Uncool.”

  I had to admit, he wasn’t exactly wrong, this was uncool. I knew this. I knew this better than he could understand. I knew exactly how uncool this was.

  That didn’t change the fact that he humiliated her to the point of making her scramble around on the floor in a teddy to pick up her stuff and walk into the cold night to gather her clothes from the snow. That kind of humiliation was extreme and uncalled for.

  Before I had the chance to explain this to Joe Callahan I heard cars approaching and I looked up to see Kate’s little, white Ford Fiesta followed by a bright yellow pickup coming down the street.

  Joe and I stepped off the drive into the snow of the yard as the two cars pulled into the drive. Kate and Keira got out of the Fiesta but I was staring at the strapping, tall boy-man who folded out of the pickup.

  Keira skipped through the snow to me and she did this quickly.

  “Hey,” she said and I tore my eyes from the strapping, tall boy-man to see my last born staring up at Joe Callahan looking like she was gazing at whoever was her current boy band heartthrob (and I didn’t know who that was, Keira went through crushes like she did clothes which was to say swiftly and at random).

  “Hey,” Joe said back.

  “I’m Keira,” Keira announced.

  “Cal.”

  “Cool,” Keira breathed and looked at me then blinked, leaned in and whispered, “Kate’s got a boyfriend.”

  Oh shit.

  My eyes sliced to the strapping, tall boy-man who had walked to Kate, slung an arm around her shoulders and they were now walking to us.

  Their eyes were on Joe.

  “You’re Joe Callahan,” the boy-man said, staring at Joe like he, too, was seeing his current hero, be that football star, baseball star or the like.

  “Yep,” Joe answered.

  “Awesome,” the boy-man whispered.

  Kate tore her eyes from Joe and looked at me. “Mom, this is Dane. He’s here to study. Is it cool with you if we do it in my room?”

  My body locked and I stared at my first born.

  It was fair to say that it was not cool with me that she and this strapping, tall boy-man who thought Joe Callahan was awesome studied with my sixteen year old daughter in her room. It was fair to say that if Tim was standing beside me, and not Joe Callahan, his head would freaking explode at such a question. It was fair to say Tim’s head would explode because, when he and I were supposed to be studying in my room, we were, instead, making Kate.

  Fuck!

  Now what did I do?

  I couldn’t say no in front of Dane. He’d think I was the un-awesome, uptight Mom and Kate would be embarrassed. No way Kate should ask me this question in front of Dane and make me look like the un-awesome, uptight Mom and force me to make the choice of doing what would give me peace of mind, therefore asking them to study, say, in the study or embarrassing her in front of her new possible boyfriend who was strapping, tall and also good-looking therefore likely very popular which would be important to any girl but especially important to my girl who had just been forced to leave the school she loved where she left behind a million of her friends she’d known forever to move to a school four hours away, in a small town in Indiana where she knew no one.

  Fuck!

  “Sure,” I said through clenched teeth, Kate beamed, I tried not to groan and Kate, Dane and Keira headed toward the house. “But Kate,” I called after her, “I want your door open.”

  Keira giggled. Dane grinned. Kate looked at me, her eyes skidded to Joe then back to me and her cheeks got pink.

  “Okay,” she called back.

  Thank God.

  The front door closed behind them and Joe advised, “You should give her condoms.”

  My eyes flew to his and I blinked.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Condoms, buddy, you of all people should know you should give her condoms.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “She yours?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s drivin’ which means you had her, what, when you were fifteen, sixteen?”

  “Eighteen.” By the time of her birth, of course, her conception was another matter but I didn’t share this with Joe.

  He just looked at me then again he didn’t really need to say more, his point was made.

  “Can I have my shovel back?” I asked.

  He didn’t give me my shovel back.

  Instead he said, “Come to J&J’s tonight, I’ll buy you a drink.”

  This wasn’t really a question but I decided to treat it like one. “Thanks, but, no.” Then I repeated, “Can I have my shovel back?”

  He turned fully to me and again stepped into my space. It took a lot but I held my ground and tipped my head back to look at him. I had to tip it back far; he was that close and he was that tall.

  “I’m tryin’ to be neighborly,” he said quietly.

  “Neighborly would have been not draggin’ me into your house and treatin’ me to that scene.”

  “I needed a witness and you were the only one available.”

  “A witness?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Kenzie’s a pain in the ass, if she can make trouble, she will and the bitch can make trouble for me. I got a witness as to the way things went down, and I’m guessin’ she’s not hot to share that scene with anyone, she’ll keep her mouth shut. I don’t, she can share whatever she wants to share, make the whole thing up. I was right, she’s keepin’ her mouth shut. She doesn’t then I produce you who says it like it was.”

  “Produce me?”

  “It’s not gonna happen, she’s not gonna say shit.”

  “Produce me to who?”

  “What?”

  “Who would you produce me to?”

  His head cocked slightly to the side and his brows drew together. “Clients.”

  “What clients?”

  “Potential clients who might be swayed into not hirin’ me if they hear some bullshit Kenzie cooked up.”

  “What kind of clients?”

  He got closer and I really wanted to edge back but I didn’t when he asked, “Buddy, you serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m in security.”

  “Security?” he nodded and I went on. “What kind of security?”

  “Kenzie Elise security.”

  I stared at him, feeling my lips part and my eyes get wide.

  I had Security to the Stars living next door.

  Wasn’t that just the shit of it? There I was, in my predicament and I had Security to the fucking Stars living next door and I hated him because he was a huge jerk. I couldn
’t have made him a plate of cookies when I saw the shiny, black, new model Ford pickup in the drive and charmed him with my rapier wit. No. I had to get embroiled in a situation when he was scraping off a movie star who had fallen in lust with her mysterious, rugged and interesting-looking bodyguard at the same time finding out myself during said situation that he was a huge jerk and falling in instant hate with him.

  “So, seeing as you do what you do, and considering Dane’s reaction to you, I guess you’re pretty famous around here?” I asked and he shook his head.

  “Not famous, people just know what I do and sometimes who I do it for. They’re famous, not me.”

  “That stuff rubs off.”

  “Not really.”

  “Dane looked pretty impressed.”

  “He’s seventeen. That ain’t hard to do with a seventeen year old.”

  “Still I’d guess, around here, you don’t often hear no either.”

  “I’m not ‘round here often.”

  God, he had an answer for everything.

  “Even so, no on the drink, okay Joe?” I said. “Now, can I have my shovel back?”

  Just like he’d done that night, he studied me for awhile, something happening behind those blue eyes, something I didn’t get.

  Then he gave me my shovel, turned and walked away.

  I gave up on the drive, it would take forever and there was a tall, strapping boy-man in my daughter’s bedroom. Therefore, I shoveled the sidewalk at the front of the house and went inside and did all sorts of things loudly, such as make dinner or call questions to Keira even when she was right in the living room so Kate and Dane couldn’t forget I was close.

  When Dane left after he ate dinner at our house and I found out I kind of liked him, I watched out the window as Kate walked him to his pickup.

  Then I forced myself not to watch because firstly, I didn’t want to see and secondly, I was not an un-awesome, uptight Mom who would watch her daughter and her new boyfriend out the window.

  But as I was turning away, my head whipped back and my eyes narrowed on the drive.

  Except for under my car, Kate’s car and Dane’s pickup, the drive had been shoveled clean of snow.

  I stopped looking out the front window to look left, out the window at the side over my kitchen sink facing Joe’s house.

  The house was dark and there was no shiny, black, new model Ford pickup in the drive.

  There wasn’t one the next morning either.

  Or the next.

  Or the two weeks after that.

  Chapter Two

  Hunger

  I drove home from the garden shop thinking a variety of things.

  First, I was thinking that full-time paychecks didn’t mean much of a change to part-time ones, especially when taxes and insurance were deducted.

  Second, I was thinking that I spent an awful lot of time while Kate and Keira were growing up wishing I could do things. Things like go to a movie whenever I wanted. Things like take a long, hot bubble bath when the spirit moved me. Things like reading a book without the word “Mom” shouted over and over again (as in, “Mom, where’s my backpack?” and “Mom, Keira’s bothering me,” and “Mom, I’m hungry”). Now, with Kate out with Dane all the time (or in with him at our house, which I preferred seeing as I could keep an eye on them, however I still didn’t see much of Kate during these times) and Keira, who seemed to be attempting to make an art form out of socializing, they were never home. I could go see a movie, have a bubble bath and read a whole book if I wanted to. But, of course, since life mostly sucked and not a whole helluva lot worked out for me, I didn’t want any of that anymore. All I wanted was my girls to be home.

  I could have probably handled this better if Tim was at home or I knew he was coming home instead of knowing I was going to an empty house, a one-woman dinner and nothing but aloneness until weeknight curfew hit (eight o’clock) or weekend curfew hit (ten o’clock for Keira, eleven for Kate). Unfortunately, this wasn’t an option.

  I turned down the street and my mind left these thoughts as I saw the lights on and the black pickup in the drive at Joe’s house.

  “Great,” I muttered under my breath.

  It bothered me that he was home, why, I couldn’t imagine. He’d be gone tomorrow and I didn’t care about him anyway. I doubted he’d come over and ask me to have a drink with him at J&J’s or that I’d even see him at all. And there was no snow to shovel, making me think he might be a decent guy even though I knew he was not. And I knew he shoveled my snow, I knew this because I asked Colt if he’d done it and he’d said no and I’d asked Jeremy if he’d done it and he’d said no and since my other close neighbors were either too old (Myrtle, the widow who lived across from Joe and Pearl, the spinster who lived across from me) or bitches (Tina, who lived next to me on the other side), it had to be Joe.

  But him being home, seeing his truck in his drive, for whatever reason bothered me, I couldn’t deny it.

  I turned into my drive and parked under the awning. The days were staying lighter longer but night was edging in, it was getting late. Bobbie had asked me to do a bit of overtime and I did it. I needed the money for one, for another, why not? There was no reason to go home when Kate and Keira were both out.

  I grabbed my purse, exited the Mustang and I stopped when I heard a woman’s laughter. I looked right to see Joe in his black leather jacket and jeans, sauntering to his truck. Behind him was a woman in a skintight, black mini-skirt and a jeans jacket. She had loads of long, wavy blonde hair and she was petite but wearing a pair of high-heeled, black boots. She was trotting after him on a half-run with such grace it was like she’d been born in high-heeled, black boots. She was still laughing and I stood in my open door, one arm on the hood of my Mustang, watching as she caught his hand and skidded on her heels, pulling his hand to her. He turned, she tipped her head back and she must have said something, something I didn’t hear, something she thought was funny for she laughed again.

  But I could swear, even with the distance, I saw the white flash of Joe’s grin. I didn’t know him very well but, if asked, I would have said it wasn’t physically possible for Joe to grin.

  Then he folded her in his arms, enveloping her with his large body and his head came down, hers tilted back and they started making out.

  A sharp pain gripped my heart.

  It hurt to watch. It hurt a lot and yet I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

  There was something about his big body in his dark clothes, his powerful arms around her, holding her close to his long frame, enfolding her in a way that was about sex (or leading up to it, probably) but looked like more. Maybe safety, protection, his dark head bent to her blonde one, all of this, for some reason, cutting me clean to the bone.

  I wanted that for me. I missed that, God, did I miss it and I wanted it back and it felt, in that moment, I’d never have it again.

  And that fucking hurt.

  I tore my eyes away and as silently as I could so Joe wouldn’t hear, I closed the door to my car and walked to the side kitchen door. I was about to insert my key when the door was thrown open from the inside, the light switched on, Keira and Kate stood in the frame and they shouted, “Surprise!” at the same time I felt a strong arm curl around my belly from behind. I was lifted clean off my feet and whirled in the air.

  I screamed, loud and piercing, my knees going up, my fingers curling around the arm at my waist as I was whirled yet again by whoever had me. Kate and Keira ran out of the house and jumped around us in dual teenage girl excited tizzies as we twirled.

  We stopped moving and my feet were planted on the ground when I heard my brother Sam say softly in my ear. “How’s my big sister?”

  When I heard his voice, I screamed again, this time loud and joyous, turning in his arm and throwing my arms around his neck. I held on, kissing his cheek, his jaw, his neck, jumping up and down while I did this as Kate and Keira, their arms around both of us, jumped up and down too, also screaming loud, ear-splitt
ing, teenage girl squeals of delight.

  Sam stopped hugging me so he could wrap all of us in his arms and his head tipped back so he could shout, “These are my girls!”

  I looked up at my brother, his beautiful face; his warm, brown eyes; his light brown hair (that needed a cut, I noted) and my hands slid from his neck to wrap around his waist, I planted my face in his chest and held on tight.

  “Most beautiful girls in the world!” Sam kept shouting. “That’s right! Drink it in! Sheer gorgeousness!”

  I tilted my head back because he seemed to be talking to someone instead of shouting at no one and I saw his head turned to the left, toward Joe’s house.

  My head turned that way too.

  Joe and his woman, not locked in a make out session but instead simply standing close to each other, were looking our way.

  “No female on earth prettier than this pack!” Sam declared. “You hear what I’m sayin’?”

  I looked toward Sam. “Honey –”

  He ignored me, still addressing Joe and his companion who were still watching Sam’s show. She was smiling, I could tell. Joe was not.

  “You’re fine, must admit,” Sam tipped his head to Joe’s female friend, “but nothin’s finer than my girls!”

  Keira giggled. Kate got up on her toes to kiss his cheek. I started pressing my huddle toward the kitchen door. My brother Sam was also tall and he was no slouch, he could probably hold his own with, say, Morrie, Feb’s brother. I doubted he could last a round with Security to the Stars and he might buy a round if he talked about Joe’s woman like that.

  “Let’s go inside,” I coaxed.

  Sam wasn’t done with Joe and his friend though. I knew this because he felt the need to announce to them, “Havin’ dinner with my family. All fuckin’ right!”

  “Sam!” I snapped, finally forgetting Joe and his partner. “Hello? The f-bomb is off-limits around teenage girls.”

  “Mom!” Keira cried. “They say it at school all the time.”

  “Maybe so but they don’t say it in my driveway or,” I looked at Sam, “in my house.”

  “Relax, shit,” Sam smiled, dropping his arms but turning and throwing one around my shoulders as he used his other hand to guide both Kate and Keira into the house in front of us like he herded teenage females for a living.