Wild Man Page 31

  “Go, sit down with your friends,” Laura ordered. “I’ll be there with cupcakes and milk in a second but I won’t be there with cupcakes and milk if you don’t behave.”

  I could tell by Ellie’s face she took this seriously and I could also tell it by her ensuing actions for she did not delay in rounding up her three also mermaid-attired friends (obviously this slumber party had a theme) and herding them to an open table at the window.

  Suni took my tray of cupcakes. I shot her a grateful smile and moved to Laura and the minute I arrived she started bitching in an undertone.

  “Remind me never but never to do this again. I knew it. I’ve done it before but, like childbirth, you forget how freaking painful it is in between times and therefore convince yourself you’re good for another go. And Ellie gets invited to slumber parties all the time and it was our turn. I shouldn’t care. Turns don’t matter. Peace of mind matters. Not losing your hearing due to the constant shrieking of little girls matters. Sanity matters. If those girls’ mothers are fool enough to take on that energy and noise level, great, fine, more power to them. But I… am… not.”

  I nodded like I understood (when I actually didn’t) and opened my mouth to say something soothing but she kept bitching.

  “And Austin abandoned me. He had four hours with the girls last night and he took off first thing this morning leaving me a note.”

  Oh man. Not a smooth move on Austin’s part. I had a feeling Austin was in the doghouse.

  Laura kept right on going.

  “Okay, so, he took the boys out to breakfast and then to a movie so I don’t also have Grady and Dylan to deal with but Grady and Dylan are a piece of cake compared to four four-year-old little girls. Ellie told them all about you and your cupcakes and that’s all they’ve been talking about. So, to shut them up, I had to bring them here. But I have to tell you, Tess, I’m uncertain about injecting even a teaspoon of sugar into those four. They’re bouncing off the walls now. With sugar in them, they might explode through like four-year-old little girl Hulks in mermaid outfits.”

  I bit my lip and waited for her to continue complaining so she could get it all off her chest but she didn’t. Her eyes suddenly wandered to a blackboard but she wasn’t reading it. They’d glazed over and I knew she was on a mental deserted island with a very strong mai tai and a romance novel.

  I waited a moment to allow her to experience her fantasy before I was going to lift my hand and wave it in front of her face but I didn’t get the chance.

  “Aunt Laurie,” Rex called, moving through the swinging doors followed by Joel.

  Laura’s body jerked, her mouth tilted up into a smile, and she said, “Hey, kiddo,” and accepted a hug around her hips as she ruffled his hair then her eyes went to Joel and she said, “Hey there, Joey.”

  “Hey, Aunt Laurie,” Joel replied, two years older than his brother and those two years were the two years you grew out of giving your Aunt a hug around her hips.

  At the arrival of the boys, I took charge.

  “All right, guys, I’ve got a big job for you. Your Aunt Laura needs a breather so I want you to go over to Ellie’s table, get cupcake and milk flavor orders from those girls, put the cupcakes on plates, get the milk, and get Kalie to make your aunt a coffee. And also, find out what treat your aunt wants and sort that out. Then I want you to hang with the girls and make sure they’re good. Can you do that?”

  “Sure,” Joel said.

  “Cool,” Rex said, then asked, “Like, we’re waiters?”

  I smiled at him. “Yeah, like that.”

  “Awesome,” he muttered, his eyes alight.

  Jeez, kids.

  “You do the girls. I’ll do Aunt Laurie,” Joel ordered, all bossy big brother.

  Rex nodded, all used to being bossed little brother, and took off.

  Joel headed to his cousin Kalie.

  I looked to Laura. “Do you want to take a moment of sanity in my office or do you want your coffee to go and Joey, Rex, and I can watch the girls while you take a much longer moment of sanity walking through the shops of Cherry Creek?” I asked. “With Kalie and Kellie here as well as the boys, I’m sure we’ll be good with the girls and you can nip away for half an hour, forty-five minutes.”

  She grinned and stated, “Now I know why Slim loves you. I always thought it was your, um… endowments.” She tipped her head to my chest then explained, “He’s my brother. I know it’s gross but you can’t help but notice that stuff and he’s totally a boob man.”

  I pressed my lips together to stop myself from laughing and to stop myself from informing her that she was not correct.

  Yes, Brock liked breasts and it had to be said he liked them a lot but it was a tossup if he went for the rack or the ass since he showered attention on both. Then again, there were other, better areas he showered attention on so who knew? I only knew I was not going to share any of this knowledge with his sister.

  Even so, Laura didn’t give me a chance because she kept speaking.

  “Olivia, she was busty too. Then she got her ball and chain on him and lost twenty-five pounds she didn’t have to lose, which was not looked on favorably by Slim. But all the rest of his chicks”—she grinned—“totally. Now I’m seeing things more clearly. This place is crazed and you still offer a moment of sanity to a mother on the verge of breakdown. Very cool.”

  “Well… thanks, I think,” I said to her.

  “You’re welcome,” she said back and then, I didn’t know why, but something moved my eyes from Laura to the front window and at what they saw I got a chill down my back when I discovered I had a superhero power and it wasn’t super-cake-baking.

  It was bitch radar.

  I discovered this because Olivia was standing in the window, glossy Cherry Creek North bags dangling from her fingers, eyes staring at a Rex who had clearly taken orders from a gaggle of mermaids because he was heading back to Laura and me.

  Her eyes moved from Rex through the shop and locked on me. Then her entire face got tight and she moved toward the door.

  “Uh-oh,” I muttered, my eyes glued to her closing in on the door, my body experiencing an omen of doom, and I knew when Laura clocked her because she muttered, “Oh my freaking God.”

  Olivia opened the door and took two long strides in, did another scan of the shop, and her eyes narrowed on Joel when she caught sight of him, and then, if you can believe this, from across the room, she snapped loudly, “Where’s Slim?”

  I quickly looked between the boys, who both were close to me and were now frozen to the spot and staring at their mother.

  “I got this,” Laura muttered and panic seized me because I was afraid she would “get this” and how she would get it was not so good, considering the fact that the last time she was near Olivia, she attacked, nails bared. But before I could stop her, she headed toward Olivia.

  “You stay away from me,” Olivia snapped, again loudly, her hand raised with finger pointed at Laura. And all my customers, and I had many, were starting to stare. Then her eyes came to me. “Where’s Slim?”

  “He’s working and you need to go,” Laura told her.

  “Boys,” I said quietly to Joey and Rex. “Why don’t you go in the back?”

  “No!” Olivia flared, getting louder, moving forward, skirting Laura, and coming toward Joel, Rex and me. Then, if you can believe this, she announced, “Boys, come with me. We’re going home.”

  I blinked in shock.

  Then I asked, “What?”

  This was at the same time Laura, who was following her, snapped (loudly), “What?”

  Olivia ignored both of us and said to Brock’s sons, “Get your coats, let’s go.”

  Damn! What did I do about this?

  Both boys stared up at her, Rex with an open mouth, Joel with indecision warring clear as day on his mini-hot-guy face.

  Okay, I didn’t know what to do about this but I did know I had to do something and whatever it was wasn’t going to be in front of the b
oys or my customers.

  “Olivia,” I said, taking a step toward her, “how about you come into the back and we can talk?”

  She totally ignored me and snapped at her sons, “What’d I say?”

  “It’s Slim’s weekend,” Laura told her, sidling close to her side and Olivia’s head turned sharply to her ex-sister-in-law.

  “It is? Then where is he?”

  “Like I said, he’s working,” Laura answered.

  “Well, if he’s working then he’s working and that’s his problem but my sons are not with that”—she jabbed a finger at me—“bitch.” And at this there were a number of audible gasps.

  Okay, now hang on a minute.

  I was not a bitch and I was not about to be called one, but definitely not in front of Rex and Joey and my staff and my customers.

  “I cannot believe you,” Laura hissed, anger turning to fury as the attention around us went from curious to avid.

  “That is way uncool,” Kalie stated from behind the counter.

  “Totally uncool,” Nora chimed in.

  “Like, off-the-charts uncool,” Suni put in her opinion.

  “How about we take this to my office,” I suggested again, holding tight to my control on my temper. “Or, if that doesn’t work for you, outside.”

  Olivia’s angry eyes slashed to me and she declared, “You do not exist.”

  I ignored that idiotic comment and replied, “For Rex and Joel, please, Olivia, let’s discuss this elsewhere.”

  She ignored me again and looked to her sons. “Right now. What did I say? Let’s go!” Then she started marching to the door.

  “Kalie, go get your phone, call your uncle,” Laura ordered. “Rex and Joey, you stay put.”

  Olivia stopped marching and turned to Laura. “Don’t you tell my sons what to do.”

  “I’ll do what I like, and stop making a scene,” Laura snapped. “This is where Tess works.”

  “Do I care?” Olivia retorted.

  “No, but I do and so does Uncle Slim and everybody else.” Kalie entered the fray.

  “What’s going on?” Kellie asked from behind me. I turned to her, saw her eyes on Olivia, her face scrunched, and she muttered, “Oh, I know what’s going on.”

  “Mommy, what’s happening?” Ellie called, her voice shaky, her eyes and all the eyes of her mermaid friends riveted to the activity and not in a good way.

  “It’s okay, baby,” Laura called back. “Mommy’s just talking with Olivia.”

  “Please, please,” I cut in, sensing the situation was deteriorating and, getting desperate, my eyes moving to Olivia. “Can we talk about this in the back?”

  Olivia ignored me yet again, her face going stone cold and her voice dripping with ice when she clipped loudly, “Joel! Rex! Now!”

  I moved closer to her (though not that close, she had nails and I was afraid she’d use them) and said softly, “I’ll ask again, Olivia, because you’re distressing the boys, Ellie, and her friends, can we talk about this in the back? When we get back there, I’ll call Brock and you can discuss this with him.”

  “Fuck Brock and fuck you!” she suddenly shouted.

  My torso jerked back like she’d hit me. Laura’s pissed-off energy snapped through the air. I sensed movement behind the counter so I knew Kalie and/or Kellie were on the go and I opened my mouth to speak but someone beat me.

  And that someone was Joel.

  “That’s not nice,” he whispered, his voice trembling. I stepped aside and turned to see his face pale and his hands clenched in fists at his sides. “You shouldn’t talk to Tess that way. She’s a nice lady. She’s nice to everyone and that’s not nice.”

  Taking him in and hearing his words, my hatred for his mother achieved new heights.

  “Joey, honey, get your brother and go into the back,” I ordered quietly.

  But as I was speaking, Olivia moved quickly.

  Closing in on Joel, she wrapped her fingers around his shoulder and gave it a yank, snapping, “When I tell you to do something, you do it!”

  More gasps filled the air, including my own, and both Laura and I moved in on her and Rex shrank back.

  But Joel ripped his shoulder from his mother’s hold and stepped back and at the same time stood firm so I stopped and so did Laura.

  “It’s Dad’s weekend,” he declared.

  “If it’s your father’s weekend, where is he?” Olivia returned.

  “He has to work, Mom. He’s got a job. Somethin’ bad happened to someone and he’s gotta find out who did it. With Dad comes Tess and if Dad has to work then we get to be with Tess. We’re havin’ fun here. We like it here. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You’ll see me now and I’ll talk to your father later about who he allows to spend time with his children,” Olivia retorted.

  Joel stared at her and I saw him battling. My heart went out to him but I was completely at a loss of what to do. He needed his father but his father was working. My phone was in the back and I didn’t want to leave the boys with Olivia to go get it and call him. And if I did and he knew this was happening, he’d lose his mind.

  Fortunately or unfortunately, Laura’s phone was in her purse and she started digging into it.

  Joel spoke again, quiet, soft, scared, but determined. “We don’t wanna see you now.”

  Oh man.

  “Well I don’t care. I’m your mother and you mind me,” Olivia shot back.

  “We’re havin’ fun,” Joel told her.

  “I don’t care about that either,” Olivia returned.

  “I know,” Joel whispered. My heart clenched and I’d had enough.

  But even so, I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, which was, I was ashamed to admit, get in a bitch-slapping fight with her. I didn’t think that would be good, although it would feel good. So instead, I had to try and play it cool, for Joey, for Rex, and for Brock.

  “Please,” I said softly, “can we talk about this in the back?”

  Joel ignored me and told his mother, “You need to go.”

  She blinked, her shock apparent, then she asked, “What?”

  He didn’t answer his mother. He turned to his brother and ordered, “Go to the back with Kalie and Kellie.”

  I noticed then that Rex was watching this with wide eyes and he wasn’t about to move but he wasn’t given a choice. Kalie rushed forward, bent to grab his hand, and gently pulled him through the swinging doors, Kellie following them.

  Okay, one down, one to go.

  “Joel, honey, why don’t you go with them?” I suggested.

  Joel turned to me, shook his head then his eyes went back to his tight-lipped mother and he repeated, “You need to go.”

  “I’ll say it one more time, Joel. Go get your brother, get your coats, and come with me.”

  “No,” Joel replied instantly.

  “Slim?” Laura said and all eyes moved to her. “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy but I have to tell you that Olivia is at Tess’s bakery, she’s making a scene, and she put her hands on Joey.”

  Oh no.

  That was the wrong thing to say. Not that it wasn’t true or that there were any right things to say, but that was the wrong thing to say.

  Laura kept talking. “He rightly refuses to go. They’re in a showdown and all five hundred of Tess’s customers are bystanders. She won’t leave even though Joey has asked her to and she won’t go to the back to discuss the situation even though Tess has asked her to… repeatedly. I’m sorry, Slim, but I think you’re gonna have to deal with this.”

  To my shock, Olivia haughtily held out her hand to Laura and demanded, “Let me talk to him.”

  But Laura snapped her phone shut and informed Olivia, “Too late. He’s angry. He’s hung up. And I’m guessing he’s on his way.”

  Oh no!

  Time for emergency maneuvering. I didn’t need Brock to show being pissed off and filling my magical, happy bakery with his pissed-off vibes or him entering the showdown with Olivia, cons
idering he didn’t shy away from the f-word either, or the c-word, m-word, b-word, a-word, and a variety of other words. Things were crazy busy but I didn’t need my customers avoiding Tessa’s Cakes for fear of witnessing a tense, combative, foul-mouthed domestic scene. Or, as the case was, a worse one.

  “I think,” I said quietly, “it might be a good idea if you aren’t here when Brock shows.”

  “And I think it might be a good idea for you not to tell me what to do,” Olivia retorted.

  I studied her, my heart beating hard.

  Then I realized she was going to have her scene no matter what. She wanted it especially now, considering that scene earned her Brock’s attention, which was what she wanted most of all.

  So I shrugged.

  My customers were just going to have to deal and I’d barricade myself, the boys, Ellie, her little mermaids, and my staff in my office if it was going to be a blowout.

  Then I said, “Suit yourself.”

  I turned to Joel and ordered gently, “Sort out Ellie and her friends, yeah? Then go in the back with your brother and wait for your dad. You cool with that?”

  He looked up at me, nodded, his eyes moved through his mother, and then he dashed into the back to get the orders from Rex.

  I looked to Laura, ignoring Olivia, who had dropped her bags at her feet, crossed her arms on her chest, hitched her hip with a foot out, and had a face like thunder.

  I was right. She was in for the long haul.

  Whatever. Her funeral.

  So I told Laura, “I’ll get you a coffee. How do you take it and do you want a cake?”

  Laura fell into the ignoring Olivia tactic, placed her order, and then went to her daughter and her girlfriends.

  I made her coffee and got her a humongous chocolate cookie with peanut butter chips. Joel took care of the girls and disappeared into the back. Through all this, Olivia stood in her bitch stance, glowering at us.

  I was delivering Laura’s stuff at her table when two uniformed officers walked in.

  Olivia tensed. Laura grinned. I stared.

  “We’ve had a report of a disturbance?” one of the officers asked the room at large, then his eyes honed in on Olivia. “A blonde woman. Late forties?”

  “Late forties, hysterical,” Laura mumbled gleefully.