Midnight Soul (Fantasyland #5) Page 32

  “Not if you’re fuckin’ shit up,” he returned.

  “I’m not ‘fuckin’ shit up,’” I retorted.

  He rolled into me so I had some of his weight at my hips, his long legs tangling in mine, and he lifted up on a bent elbow so he wasn’t looming over me but he did have the dominant position.

  This, my guess, though I wouldn’t ever know for certain, was a ploy often used by Frey, Lahn and Tor when their wives were doing something, which they had every intention of containing, and such an occurrence happened in bed.

  This, I also found irritating, at the same time I found it titillating.

  Which was even more irritating.

  Blast!

  “You wanna talk about this.” He pressed his hips into mine. “Us. Where we are. What we did. How it came about. And you wanna do it because you’re freaked, thinkin’ it happened too fast or it was the wrong direction for us to go, or whatever the fuck.”

  I didn’t get the opportunity to confirm this was exactly what I wanted to do, he continued speaking.

  “It didn’t happen too fast, Frannie, it took too fuckin’ long, in my opinion. And it wasn’t the wrong direction. At least for me, I’m right where I wanted to be since practically the minute we met. You were in a bad place. I had to see to you. I did that. That’s done. You’re not in that place anymore so we’re moving on and this,” he again pressed his hips into mine, “is the direction we’re moving in.”

  In truth, his “it took too fuckin’ long, in my opinion” made me want to jump from the bed, shout with glee and perhaps dance a little jig.

  Not to mention all the other delightful things he said (practically the minute we met!).

  I was a much-changed Franka Drakkar.

  But I was not that changed.

  Therefore, instead of jumping from the bed, I asked crossly, “And I have no say about that?”

  He was silent a moment before I could feel the tremor of his amusement shaking his body as he reminded me, “Frannie, baby, I’ve made you come three times, you’re lying naked pressed to me and think I permanently got indentations in the backs of my thighs from the spikes on your heels. And before you latch on to that,” he said the last swiftly, “that is not a complaint, nowhere near. Your heels could scar me, which they didn’t, and taking that memory with me wherever I go would be fine with me. But you did not fight any of that, and, just pointing out, you still aren’t. With all that, you wanna make a case you’re not good with this direction?”

  This was all true (though I was concerned about the indentations, Noc clearly didn’t mind but those spikes appeared lethal, I hoped I caused no lasting damage).

  And I absolutely did not want to make a case that I was not good with this direction.

  I didn’t admit that.

  I stated, “I’m not pressed to you. You’re pressed to me.”

  “Fair enough,” he granted. “Three minutes ago, though, babe, you were pressed to me.”

  This, too, was true.

  I snapped my mouth shut and fought grinding my teeth.

  I saw his shadowed face get closer and I could see the white of his teeth.

  Hmm.

  How could I forget how bloody annoying Noc could be?

  “So, to be clear, the direction you wish to go in is that we have relations?” I asked.

  More trembling of his body (and voice) as he replied, “Yeah, sweetheart, I wanna have relations.”

  “And what of tomorrow and the next day?” I pressed, pushing back the hope and pulling up the haughty.

  “I’ll amend. We’ve had relations. Tonight, we’re gonna have more relations. And after we leave this room and get along with our lives, we’ll continue to have relations, repeatedly and often.”

  This was most promising.

  In order to confirm, I stated, “To end, you wish our direction to be about you being open to have sex with me.”

  Unexpectedly, his mirth swept through the room with such speed, I froze against him in reaction to the change.

  “You really asking me that shit?” he demanded, his voice low and there was a tremor to it, but it certainly was not humor.

  It was anger.

  Noc had never been angry at me.

  Not once.

  I didn’t like it. Not at all.

  I was concerned about the wisdom of my response, but the veracity of it couldn’t be denied as I’d already “asked him that shit.”

  “Well…yes,” I said hesitantly.

  “You think all I want is your pussy?”

  I wasn’t certain I’d heard him correctly.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “You think all I want is your pussy.”

  The first was uttered as a statement that was also an incredulous question.

  The second was uttered just as a statement.

  An insulting one.

  I lost my concern at his anger and got that way myself.

  “Well, I should hope not,” I snapped, pulling out from under him, undecided about what to do once I was free of him, though focused on doing just that.

  However I was with Noc. He was a man. A dominant one. A strong one.

  Not to mention, he already had his arm around me.

  It being thus, he simply used it to drag me right back where I was.

  “I need to use the commode,” I lied.

  “You so do not,” he returned.

  “You’re correct. I don’t need to use the commode. I need a moment away from you for I’m angry at you and my temper is formidable. It being so, I’ve found it best, if I can’t use it to an advantage, to absent myself when it flares.”

  “Franka, to make things clear, just in case the impossible is happening and you’re missing any of this, what I want from you is not just sex. It’s anything you got to give to me. Including your formidable temper. So, babe, if you got somethin’ to say, say it. And if you don’t mind, it’d be cool you started with telling me why you’re pissed when you just said straight out that you thought all I wanted from you was being open to fuck you.”

  By the gods!

  How on earth could he think that’s what I said?

  “I did not say any such thing,” I rejoined.

  “You did.”

  “I did not.”

  “I got a good memory but I don’t need it seein’ as it wasn’t even two minutes ago you said, ‘you wish our direction to be about you being open to have sex with me.’ Are you denying that now?” he asked.

  “Of course not,” I answered.

  Noc pulled slightly away, the temperature in the room decreased and that chill frosted his words as he commanded, “So again, explain to me how it is you’re pissed when you just said all I’m angling for is your pussy, which means you think that’s all I’ve been angling for when it comes to you.”

  Bloody hell!

  He’d lost his mind!

  “I did not say that, Noc,” I snapped.

  He pulled away further and his voice started rising when he returned, “You fuckin’ did, Franka, and you just fuckin’ confirmed you did.”

  My voice was rising too. “I did not, Noctorno!”

  “Do not call me that,” he gritted between his teeth.

  “Do not claim I mean ridiculous, offensive things when I don’t,” I retorted.

  “Then tell me what you meant,” he ordered.

  “You’re fond of me,” I bit out.

  “Yeah,” he bit back.

  “You missed me when we were apart.”

  “Uh…yeah, been over that. What’s this—?”

  I interrupted him. “And you’re very aware I felt the same for you with both. So, my assumption, indeed my hope would be that what we had would remain. Being fond of each other. Enjoying each other’s company and therefore spending a goodly amount of time in it. But our direction…now…is the addition that you wish to be open to have sex with me.”

  He had no reply to that.

  This was not a surprise.

  He�
��d jumped to conclusions, he should have known better and, again, I had no direct experience, but I would assert it was a good guess that a man such as him—regardless of the profoundness of his ability to be gentle and kind—would have an overabundance of pride.

  So when he was wrong he would not be eager to admit that.

  This was something that angered me even more.

  And because of that, I did not keep my mouth shut.

  “I can’t imagine how, in all the time you’ve spent with me, Noctorno, that you would ever consider I’d think such about you. I have a midnight soul, it’s true, but light shines upon it every once in a while. I feel its warmth when it does and it means everything to me. Everything. So much of everything, you’ve given me your light and there are precisely five beings I’d take a lash for…Kristian, Josette, Timofei, Frantz and you.”

  “Frannie—” he whispered, his tone much changed.

  But I was angry.

  In other words, there was no stopping me.

  “And just in case you missed any of it, I thoroughly enjoyed your lovemaking. I’ve never had the like. It’s abandoned. It’s somehow freeing. You make even when I’m giving something to you about you giving something to me, and I don’t know how you accomplish that but it’s a thing of beauty. So, to be honest, even if I didn’t have all the other parts of Noctorno Hawthorne that you’ve given me, parts I cherish, I would not mind in the slightest that all you wanted was my pussy.”

  He again did not reply.

  I had nothing more to say and since he wasn’t letting me go, I was forced to wait it out for it was undignified to struggle.

  As I waited, I started making plans, doing this in my head. These being finding Valentine with magic, demanding she come, take me to her and Josette, and that she do this immediately. If she did not, I’d do it and she’d not yet taught me how to spirit myself. She told me not to practice without her either.

  “The results, chérie, if you did something wrong, could be drastic,” she’d warned.

  If she didn’t do it, I still was going to. I didn’t care if I ended up in oblivion (for a spell, that obviously wouldn’t do for eternity).

  Suddenly it occurred to me that Noc was no longer pulled away and the temperature of the room was no longer chilled by his mood, this making me focus on his shadowed face again.

  It was as if he felt my focus, for the instant I did he asked, “You done?”

  “With what?” I queried.

  “Telling me off.”

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “And while you were seething after you did that, did you plot my murder, visualize beating the crap outta me or make your plan to contact Valentine and have her come and get you?”

  This question made me recall a conversation I’d had with Cora months ago where she was describing, at some length, the investigative prowess of the “police” in her old world. I knew nothing of the skills or duties of the city guard and had never had any interest (though, when Cora was speaking, I was all ears).

  What Cora said about this was impressive, and not simply because I knew Noc engaged in these activities and I thought everything about him was impressive.

  However, having a naked man in bed with you and being in the middle of an argument with said man who also had what appeared to be significant powers of insight, was vexing.

  “I’ll be contacting Valentine,” I shared.

  “No you won’t.”

  Gods.

  How very Noc.

  I sighed and looked to the dark ceiling.

  “Midnight soul?” This question came not with the nuance of humor that had been threading his tone but with something solemn.

  I looked back at him.

  “You are aware you’re in bed with Franka Drakkar, not my twin of this world, aren’t you?”

  It was then I wondered about my twin in this world, something I’d never thought to do.

  Gods, I hoped she didn’t live in this very city. How awkward would that be, running into her?

  “Babe, you wanna focus on me, or are you dialing up Valentine?”

  I did as he not-exactly asked and focused on him.

  “I’m not ‘dialing up’ Valentine.”

  “So you wanna focus on me? Seein’ as we’re havin’ a kinda important conversation.”

  He was right.

  Drat.

  “I’m focused on you, Noc,” I assured.

  “Midnight soul?” he pressed.

  “Yes?”

  Abruptly, all I could see was a shadow, that shadow being his face, which was a breath from mine.

  “Is that what you think you’ve got?”

  I felt my brows draw together, but since he likely didn’t have night vision along with his awesome powers of deduction, I stated my confusion.

  “You find this surprising?”

  “Frannie, you took your brother’s beatings since you knew that was an option.”

  To that, it was me who had no reply.

  “That’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever known,” he declared.

  Why, oh why did we have to get into this?

  However, in all fairness to Noc, we needed to do just that. If he didn’t already know from things the others told him, he needed to know who he had naked and lying abed with him.

  “You know I’ve done terrible things, Noc,” I said quietly.

  “I know you’ve acted like a complete bitch to keep people from getting close, Frannie. But that doesn’t mean dick.”

  “I’m of my parents, and even midnight has a hue. Their souls are void.”

  “Your dad is an arrogant prick,” he returned. “Your mom, I don’t know, but the minute she lost her power she lost herself, so the only thing I can think about that, is that her power was her, that and the position her husband gave her. He’s an asshole. She’s worse, because in the end she’s actually just nothing and really always has been.”

  This was all very true.

  Which made me wonder why he would question my assertion.

  “They made me,” I reiterated.

  “They did and that’s the miracle of life, babe. Some people get good from good. Some people are good and make bad. And some people are like your folks. They’re wastes of space and they created you and your brother, who are absolutely not.”

  I adored that he thought that way.

  It was just that it simply wasn’t true.

  “You don’t know the person I was.”

  “I know what you said to Maddie, right to her face. Lo told me. He knows your story now, Frannie. Like everyone else, he’s changed his tune about you. That said, he’s still pissed about that and he’ll never forgive you for it because that’s the guy he is. He loves his wife, you wounded her, he’s never gonna let that go. And I get that, what you said to her was not nice. It was nasty.”

  To be honest, though I wouldn’t share this verbally at that juncture (or maybe ever), his example was a poor one.

  I did not know Maddie very well. She’d gone before all had happened at the Winter Palace with me. But I still did not quite understand her and Apollo’s relationship.

  It was none of my business, this was true. And it was without doubt I shouldn’t have spoken my mind to Madeleine.

  However, the circumstances were dire, my lover was being tortured by malevolent witches, I was in the middle of being caught committing treason against my country, and, at least in that instance, I felt I should have some leeway.

  “It was also the way you had to be because of what those parents of yours did to you,” Noc concluded.

  Suddenly afraid to touch him, but needing to do so, I lifted my hand and wrapped it around his jaw before I said quietly, “Noc, I fear you’re making excuses because you hold feelings for me and this allows you not to see me for me. Or the me I used to be before all that occurred.”

  “Franka,” he replied instantly, shifting so he was completely on top of me, his hands gliding all the way up my back so he could use both to cu
p my head, “no offense, baby, but that’s complete bullshit.”

  Noc.

  Bloody annoying.

  Even in moments like these.

  My hand still at his jaw moved to his shoulder and shoved as I snapped, “It is not.”

  “It’s what you tell yourself so you don’t lose hold on everything you know, and I get that, sweetheart. The way your reality has shifted the last months, all you’ve known gone in a blink, that’s gotta be pretty fuckin’ scary. But everyone knows it was all an act. It was always an act. They know the real you. The only one who doesn’t is you.”

  This was a refrain I’d heard before.

  He was right about the new Franka.

  But he was also very wrong for the new Franka was just that.

  New.

  “It’s impossible for people, including you, Noc, to know me better than me.”

  One of his thumbs started drawing soothing circles on the skin under my ear (which felt nice) while his other hand shifted and he started stroking my jaw with that thumb (which arguably felt nicer).

  He did this while he murmured, “See I got more work to do to get you out of that bad place.” His thumb at my jaw shifted further and he rubbed it across my lips before he dropped his head and did the same with his own lips. Once he’d done that, against mine, he stated, “But I’ll get to that later. That’s too heavy for now. And anyway, it’s time for number four.”

  Number four?

  Had he gone mad?

  “Just to say, after arguing with you and all the rest, I’m really not in the mood for another orgasm,” I shared waspishly, saying words I never thought I’d ever say.

  Especially about orgasms delivered by Noc.

  He nipped my lower lip with his teeth.

  I couldn’t stop it…

  I shivered.

  “Bullshit,” he whispered, his amusement in that one word abundantly clear.

  “You do know you’re bloody annoying,” I declared. “And that part of you I do not cherish, Noctorno Hawthorne. That part of you I also did not miss. Not even slightly.”

  That was all a lie. I missed every part of him. Including him being irksome.

  “Mm,” he hummed against my lips, and, drat it all!

  I shivered again.

  “You don’t care that at times I find you annoying, do you?” I asked.