Breathe Read online

  In fact, I was deciding (dramatically, of course) from then on in, as we rounded the side alley to get to the back alley that led to my apartment, that I was listening to nothing but upbeat music for the rest of forever. I was so intent on deciding this that it didn’t occur to me that I wasn’t leading Chace to the alley where I lived.

  He was leading me.

  We’d turned into the back alley and got four steps in when we heard a crash.

  Chace’s arm instantly jerked mine, pulling me back. He stepped forward and in front of me as he let go of my hand and his went to the gun at his hip.

  But I saw, peering around him, a head pop up from the other side of the dumpster that was behind the Italian restaurant.

  I knew that head.

  “Holy frak!” I shouted. “That’s him!”

  The boy from the library took off at my voice and I didn’t hesitate to take off after him.

  “Jesus, Faye!” Chace roared from behind me but I kept right on going, arms pumping, feet sprinting.

  I heard the beat of Chace’s boots then I saw him pass me and keep after the kid who darted around the corner of the side street. I watched Chace make the turn after him then I turned after them and saw Chace make another turn down Main Street.

  I followed and saw Chace, well, chasing the kid down Main Street.

  “You’re not in trouble!” I yelled. “We just want to help! It’s okay!” I kept yelling as the kid made a quick dash up a side street and disappeared, Chace still after him thus, seconds later, turning and disappearing too.

  I made the dash as well and saw them racing up the side street.

  Two blocks up, Chace was nearly on him when the kid put his hands to a fence, catapulted himself over and dashed through someone’s yard.

  Chace didn’t delay in following him and disappearing into the yard.

  Once I made it there, it took me four tries to get over that fence and I eventually had to heft my ass on it and swing my legs over. I had a feeling I tore the seat of my jeans when I did but I dropped to the other side and took off after them.

  I lost them in the dark backyard, stopped and tried to listen over my labored breathing, hoping I’d hear a noise that told me which direction they’d gone.

  I heard nothing.

  I stayed there a long time.

  I still heard nothing.

  Frak!

  It hit me I was in someone’s backyard after midnight and I shouldn’t be. It also hit me that Chace was chasing after some kid and not only had I lost him but he’d lost me. Therefore it hit me I had no idea what to do.

  I gave it some time just in case Chace came back, hopefully with the kid so we could get him warm, fed (he was dumpster diving!) and talk to him but Chace didn’t come back.

  So I quickly retraced our steps (avoiding the fence and belatedly noticing it opened at the drive and taking that route which I should have taken earlier). I went back jogging just in case Chace had the same thought as me and was headed the same way. I also did it scanning, hoping I’d catch sight of one, the other or better yet, both.

  I didn’t.

  What I did was go to the bottom of the stairs that led up to my apartment in the back alley, paced and waited.

  I did this for about ten minutes. I had my iPod and my earphones detangled from my clothing and shoved in the back pocket of my jeans by the time I saw Chace round the corner of the side alley and prowl toward me.

  Believe it or not, men could prowl. I knew this by the way he was doing it.

  He was five feet away when he ordered low, angry and confusingly, “Ass up the stairs.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Get your ass up the stairs, open your door, in your apartment.”

  That seemed like a good idea since it would be warm up there so I turned, raced up the stairs, dug out my keys, yanked off my mittens and opened the door.

  I went in and Chace followed me.

  He also slammed my door.

  I tossed my mittens across the room to a chair, turned to him and my first thought when I took him in fully was, Uh-oh.

  “You chased him again,” he remarked quietly.

  “I, uh… didn’t think.”

  “Kid’s terrified outta his mind and not only did you chase him, you shouted at him.”

  I pressed my lips together.

  “In the dark,” Chace went on.

  I shrugged my shoulders up and kept them there.

  “In an alley,” Chace continued.

  I made no move or noise.

  “In the cold,” Chace kept going.

  I dropped my shoulders and unpressed my lips but slid the bottom one slightly to the side so I could bite the end.

  “After midnight,” Chace (hopefully) finished.

  “Uh…” I mumbled but had no idea what to say. All that was true and, looking back, seemed more than slightly ridiculous.

  “Kid like that knows this town like the back of his hand. Kid like that, fear that huge, he’ll fight and scratch and die before anyone he doesn’t know lays a hand on him. Kid like that needs care and communication. He needs to feel safe. He does not need anyone chasing him and shouting at him. He won’t hear your words, just your tone. And he’ll know what chasing means and he’ll do everything in his power not to get caught.”

  “So that’s why you didn’t, uh… catch him?” I asked stupidly.

  “That’s why,” he answered shortly then elaborated. “He hit the dark of that backyard, he was vapor.”

  “Oh,” I whispered thinking, maybe, he was actually still in that backyard and hiding.

  “Get that outta your head,” Chace broke into my thoughts. “I went back and looked. He’s gone.”

  “Oh,” I repeated on a whisper, now thinking it was weird Chace Keaton could read my thoughts.

  “Jesus, Faye, you want me to help this kid, you gotta help me help this kid. And makin’ him more scared is not the way to go about doin’ that.”

  “Okay,” I agreed quietly then hesitantly asked, “So, um… what is the way to go about doing that?”

  “I don’t know. Seein’ him, that is not a kid who’s escaped an abusive home. Or it’s not the only shit in his life. He’s terrified, of what, I have no clue. But whatever it is, it’s huge or at least it is in his head. We have to find some way to establish trust so he’ll let us approach or he’ll come forward.”

  “Food,” I said instantly and his head jerked.

  “What?”

  “Food. I’ll put out food. And… and… a coat!” I cried. “He needs a coat. I’ll go buy him one. I’ll put it out by the dumpster.”

  “Honey, he’s not goin’ back to that dumpster. Not again. Not ever.”

  “Oh,” I whispered as my mind raced and I came up with another idea. “At the library. By the return bin. He returns his books. He hasn’t been back in a week because, well, I chased him last time and he hasn’t returned any books either. But he will. He always does. I’ll put food and a coat out by the bin. And… and… more books. I’ll find ones like he likes to take and I’ll put them out there. With a note telling him he can find what he needs there and if he needs anything he’s not finding, to leave a return note and it’ll be left for him.”

  I watched Chace jerk up his chin before he said, “That’s a good idea.”

  I grinned at him and said, “Thanks.”

  His eyes dropped to my mouth, it seemed strangely that his body went still then his eyes came back to mine and he asked instantly, “Why were you crying?”

  I felt my grin die and I took a step back, murmuring, “Chace –”

  “Why were you crying?” he repeated.

  I took another step back saying, “I don’t think –”

  My heart started to beat harder when he took a step toward me and he asked again, “Why were you crying, Faye?”

  I started actively retreating as Chace started actively advancing and I said, “I think I told you that’s none of your business.”

  “Faye,
why were you crying?”

  I hit the foot stand of my bed and was forced to stop.

  Chace didn’t stop until he was toe to toe with me, neck bent, eyes locked to mine.

  “I’ll ask one more time, honey,” he said gently. “Why were you crying?”

  I felt it prudent, considering his proximity, to answer.

  So I did.

  “I was listening to a song that made me cry.”

  His brows went up. “A song that made you cry, leave your house in the dead of night and walk to the elementary school playground?”

  To this, I offered lamely, “It’s a good song.”

  His eyes moved over my face as his lips whispered, “It’s a good song.”

  I held my breath unsure what was happening but I was sure what was happening to my heartbeat. It was escalating. And my skin, it was tingling. And my blood, it was firing.

  I stopped holding my breath and pulled in a needed one.

  Then I straightened my shoulders and said quietly, “I’m home safe now, Chace. You can go.”

  His eyes came back to mine and he didn’t go.

  Instead, he asked, “What song was it?”

  No way in heck I was sharing that.

  “Dobie Gray’s, ‘Drift Away’.”

  There it was again. Another fraking lie!

  His eyes lit and his mouth twitched before he asked, “The song that moved you to tears and drove you into the cold night was a song about a man who gets through by listening to rock ‘n’ roll?”

  I was realizing I really needed to pay more attention to lyrics when I answered with another lie, “Yes.” Then to add validity to something that was nowhere near valid, I added, “My favorite part is when he sings while people clap.”

  And right then, in my apartment, I watched Chace Keaton throw back his handsome head and burst out laughing.

  Seeing it, hearing the deep richness of it, my hands went behind me and curled into the iron of my foot stand so they could assist my legs in keeping me standing.

  I was prepared to ask him to leave when he stopped laughing (not that I wanted him to stop laughing, ever) but he got there before me by tipping his eyes back to mine and ordering through his laughter, “Put it on.”

  I blinked and my chest seized.

  Therefore I had to force out my, “What?”

  His eyes scanned my apartment, spied my stereo then came back to me.

  He tilted his head to my stereo and repeated, “Put it on.”

  “Put what on?” I asked stupidly.

  “‘Drift Away’.”

  Oh God!

  “Um… I’m kind of tired,” I informed him.

  “Faye, honey, you just ran through a very cold night chasing an abused, terrified kid. You’re not tired.”

  There it was, him reading me again.

  “Um…”

  “But I bet that song will help you relax and unwind.”

  He was right. It would. It was on my unwind playlist for that very purpose.

  “Uh…”

  “Put it on.”

  “Chace, I don’t –”

  “You don’t, I find your iPod and I’ll do it.”

  That got me moving for two reasons. One, this would require a body search and my iPod was at my bottom. I didn’t want Chace Keaton’s hands anywhere near my bottom. Second, the song it was set at was “Holding Out for a Hero” which meant if he had my iPod, he’d catch me out in the lie and know, possibly, what really was making me cry.

  So I slid out from in front of him, unbuttoned my coat, shrugged it off and threw it on my armchair. Then I unwound my scarf and did the same with that. Finally, I dug into my back pocket, pulled out my iPod and set up the song.

  The strains of the guitar hit the space as I turned back to see Chace had taken off his coat, thrown it on my bed and he was leaning a hip against the foot stand.

  He looked good standing anywhere.

  But he never looked better than standing right there.

  Really, seriously, how was this happening?

  “Forgot how much I like this song,” he said through the music.

  “Told you it was good,” I muttered.

  At my words, he suddenly pushed away from the bed and came at me.

  I had to make a split second decision. Run from the apartment (and I’d just taken off my coat), race to the bathroom and lock myself in, retreat again even though I had nowhere to go or hold my ground.

  I took longer than the split second to make my decision and thus ended up doing the last and therefore was an available target when he reached down and grabbed my hand.

  He yanked it firm but gentle and I flew toward him.

  His other arm slid around me and suddenly I found myself, after midnight, in my apartment, dancing with Chace Keaton.

  It wasn’t just a close to each other, hips swaying dance. He swung me out, twirled me around, threw me wide and wound me back in. He was sure in his moves, strong, confident and my body just moved how he wanted me to move. It didn’t feel stilted, I wasn’t nervous.

  I just moved where he guided me like we’d danced together countless times. It felt natural. It felt right. It felt great.

  So great, the song was so awesome, I got into it and started grinning, aiming this at him whenever my eyes caught his which were always on me.

  The slow bits, he held me close and swayed. The faster bits, he moved me around and when the clapping came, he pulled me close, his neck bending, his lips finding my ear and he whispered, “You’re right, honey, this is definitely the best part.”

  My hand was resting on the hard wall of his chest, my head tipped back, his came up and we locked eyes.

  Then I whispered, “See?”

  He smiled.

  I drowned.

  Then he twirled me out when the tempo shifted up but we finished close, hips swaying. His arm was around me, his hand in mine holding it to his chest. My other hand was resting lightly on his shoulder. His jaw was pressed to the side of my hair and my eyes trained to the strong column of his throat.

  The song faded away, our hips stopped swaying, but he didn’t let me go.

  I had no idea what was happening, how it came about but that didn’t mean I didn’t close my eyes and commit every nuance of that moment to memory.

  Then he said quietly in my ear, “For a long time, a long fuckin’ time, Faye, nearly six years, I thought it was certain I’d never have anything as beautiful as the last three minutes. Thank you, honey, for giving that to me.”

  Once he’d dropped this confusing, exquisite bombshell, he moved away, went to his coat on his bed, tagged it, sauntered to my door and walked out of it, closing it behind him.

  Not looking back.

  Chapter Four

  The Cherokee and Coffee

  It was four days (well, technically three) after Chace Keaton said beautiful but bewildering words to me and sauntered out of my apartment.

  In other words, it was Tuesday morning at eight thirty which was an hour before I had to get to work, preparing to open the library and I was in my Cherokee staking out the return bin in hopes of seeing the boy.

  I was there on Tuesday because the library wasn’t open on Mondays.

  Also because I hadn’t had time to come earlier.

  This was because I was catching up on sleep, cleaning my house and going two kinds of shopping – grocery and for some kid I didn’t know. My time was also spent having dinner with my parents including helping my Mom make it and watching two movies with them after it. Not to mention, in order to keep my mind off things, I’d been to the gym twice and worked out for an hour rather than half that.

  Further, I had a marathon session with Serenity to try to talk her down from uncovering dirt on scary, rich powerbrokers (this, incidentally, failed). I also had a marathon phone conversation with my sister Liza who lived in Gnaw Bone and was fighting with her husband (again). Though, not for the first time, even hearing it from Liza, I sided with Boyd. This wasn’t unusual bu
t I didn’t tell Liza that. Not only that I sided with Boyd but also that it wasn’t unusual I sided with him and maybe she should stop being such a drama queen.

  That said, what did I know? I’d never even had a boyfriend. I was not in any position to be a marriage counselor.

  So instead I played my normal role, the sister-bitching listener.

  In the time between Chace leaving me Thursday night (or, more aptly, Friday very early morning) I’d gone out and bought the boy a new coat as well as a hat, scarf, gloves and three pairs of thick, wool socks. I’d also guesstimated sizes and bought him two pairs of new jeans, two chunky, warm sweaters and some underwear.

  With this, I added a pint of milk, three bottles of water, a package of bologna, a package of American cheese slices, a loaf of bread, a box of granola bars, three apples, a bunch of bananas, a cucumber (he wouldn’t eat it but I had to make the effort of getting what my Dad called “roughage” in him) and a ginormous bar of Hershey’s chocolate (which he probably would eat).

  I’d stuffed them in easy to carry bags and laid them out with some books that I didn’t get from the library but bought. With this, I left a note I wrote that told him all of that was his, he could keep the books, more would be there on Wednesday and if there was anything he needed, all he had to do write me a note, tell me what it was, put it in the return bin and I’d get it for him.

  Now, I was watching, having gone into the library the night before and checking the bin (he hadn’t returned anything), hoping he hadn’t returned anything since I checked. Also, I was hoping he’d show so I could get a better look at him, see which direction he came from and maybe, surreptitiously, follow him when he left.

  I was focused on this and solely on this.

  Because if I didn’t focus on this little boy I did not know but I did know needed me (or someone), I’d focus on my weird night with Chace and freak right the frak out.

  After tossing and turning, finally getting to sleep in the wee hours of the morning only to drag through work on Friday, so exhausted, I took the alarming news without reaction that the library might, just might, be forced to close because of funding issues, I decided this was my best course of action.